What Actually Has to Change for Your Body to Change?

When I was really overweight, I was sure the thing that would make me lose weight had to be easy. It looked so easy for other people. So I figured I shouldn't have to change that much. Something small would do it.

The salad and the scale

I was the kind of person who would eat a salad for lunch and weigh myself the next morning. Go for a walk, weigh myself the next morning. I'd done the simple healthy thing, so surely I was down five pounds by now.

You know where this goes. The scale didn't move, or I was heavier. Then I got frustrated, quit, or told myself I'd start next week. I decided I must be doing something wrong, that there was a trick I hadn't found yet. A little more fiber. A salad once a week.

It took me a lot longer than I'm proud of to see the truth: it was never going to be a simple little tweak. The thing that has to change is you.

"Unfortunately, the thing that has to change is you."

Why that's less scary than it sounds

I know that sounds terrifying. Here's what I mean by it. The way you make choices and decisions, the heuristics you run on, the way you came to your conclusions about food, effort and your own body: that's what has to change. Most of that can be changed more easily than you'd think.

How? You decide to. That's kind of it. You make the conscious choice, today, to change it.

You have a whole day ahead of you right now: the next meal, dinner tonight, tonight's sleep, breakfast tomorrow, your weekend. You can change any of those just by choosing to. You could stand up out of your chair right now and go for a five-minute walk. (If you're driving, please don't walk into traffic.)

Wanting a change means you don't have it yet. So something has to change for you to get there. You can't stay the same in every way and expect your body to change because you suddenly want it.

What my first change was

My first change was movement. It felt like the lowest hanging fruit. I was very sedentary. I went from my car to my desk, back to my car, to my couch. I joke that I invented binging on Netflix, because back when the discs came in the mail I'd get five or six at a time and sit all weekend. So I started with five-minute walks.

That was the choice. Then I made another, and another. Before long I wasn't just changing tasks and habits. They were changing how I think about the world around me and how I make decisions about myself and my health.

If you're not sure where to start, I tell people to start with the morning. Set a regular wake time and a regular sleep time, and pick a few things you do every morning that set you up well. It doesn't have to be a cold plunge or 50 mantras at 3 a.m. Change your morning and you change the day around it, then the week, then the month.

Why people (including me) stay stuck

I see people stay stuck all the time, clients, friends, family, because they're hesitant to make a real choice. They keep hoping, the way I used to, that one tweak will be enough. And for most people it won't. Small changes can do a lot for someone very heavy, but for most of us I think tiny changes just won't make a real impact on our physique, even at a BMI in the low 30s. I wish that weren't true.

Some people are more genetically gifted, or have jobs that move them more, or have different stressors. You can't compare yourself to them. You can only compare yourself to yourself and decide what needs to change.

Part of why we put it off is that thinking is expensive. Decision fatigue is real, so we run on autopilot: the usual meal, the convenience food, the skipped workout. Autopilot is comfortable. The good news is that it works in your favor too. Set the system once and your future self doesn't have to keep working it out.

The part I wish I'd heard sooner

People are afraid to make the choice. It's scary to change your life and the way you see the world, and it feels daunting to start from what feels like scratch. So we say we'll do it Monday, or after the vacation.

It's never going to be easy and it's never going to be the right time. Not on your birthday, not on New Year's Day. And by not making the choice, you're making the choice to stay unhealthy for longer. Every day adds up.

I know, because I was the same way. It took me years. When I finally made the choice to lose a little weight, my gallbladder gave out and I had to have it removed. I remember asking my doctor, very optimistically, whether all my health problems would go away once I lost more weight. He told me, warmly and calmly, no, that's not how this works. Some damage you can't undo. For the most part your health will improve for the rest of your life, but every day I'd spent in that state had counted. And every day you improve helps you too.

I'd rather make conscious choices now so I have more choices later, and not have them taken away slowly. I wish I hadn't waited as long as I did.

So here's my question for you: what's one real change you've been thinking about and haven't chosen yet?